


What Remains

by Kisaaoi



Series: Nasvaraanan Na [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Cole is a freaking sweetheart, Colemance, F/M, Grief/Mourning, I havn't done Tresspasser yet so.... yeah, Loss, Loss of Parent(s), Other, POV Solas, Parent-Child Relationship, Regret, Sad, Serious feels, Solas has a kid he didn't know about, Solas is a father, Solas is an Egg, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, have a box of tissues ready, why must i hurt myself this way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-21 23:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7409056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kisaaoi/pseuds/Kisaaoi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many years after Solas leaves the Inquisition, Cole bring him news that shatters his world.</p><p>How could he destroy this world now that he knows it holds something so precious?</p><p>~Short and sweet~</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shatter

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself almost cry while writing this.  
> DON'T JUDGE ME!
> 
> I know I should be posting 'Young Gods', and I will soon. I'm just proof-reading and fine tuning it right now, so it should be up soon.

'Put another ex on the calendar  
Summer's on its deathbed  
There is simply nothing worse  
Than knowing how it ends  
And I meant everything I said that night  
I will come back to life  
But only for you  
Only for you '

 

The night sky was clear tonight. Stars that died long ago still shined down on the the world. A world Solas still needed to change. 

It had been many years since he left the Inquisition. Many years since he'd laid eyes upon his vhenan. He had to go though. He couldn't stop his plans, not even for her. The ache in his chest still lingered to this day.

“Chest aches where my heart should be, eyes yearning to see her smile one more time-”

“Cole.” Solas cut him off. “I thought I told you to stay with her.” 

“Yes.” A typical simple response.

“Then why are you here?” Solas questioned, slightly angry. Solas wanted Lavellan to be surrounded by people who loved her. People who would keep her safe until-

“She's gone.”

Solas felt his blood run cold.

“ _What?_ ”

“Harder to breathe, body aches, I wish I could see him one more time.... she was sick. Nothing the healers did mattered.” Cole added, his voice sharp with anger. “ _You could've helped_.”

Solas's vision blurred, and the ground rushed up to meet him. His knees hit hard. Tears began to fall; a choked sob escaping his lips.

“Tell me it's not true!” he begged the spirit-boy. “She couldn't have-”

“I don't lie.” His voice was still hard. “Her hurt never went away, no matter what I did. She needed you, but you wouldn't help!” Cole's voice broke at the end, sadness apparent, but Solas was too wrapped up in his own grief he barely noticed.

“Ma vhenan....Ir abelas, ma lath.” He wept. Cole came closer and placed a hand on his shoulder, despite his anger at the man. Solas knew the day would come when she no longer walked the earth, but he had not been as prepared as he thought he would. He often dreamed of seeing her again, taking her up into his arms. He would apologize and beg her forgiveness. 

Now, he would never have the chance.

She was gone...

It seemed like the two of them stayed like that for eons. His tears kept falling and the ache in his chest felt like a bottomless chasm.

“Leave me, Cole.” Solas shifted away from the boy's hand. “I...thank you for telling me.”

“That is not the only reason I'm here.”

Solas scoffed. “What more reason do you have to be here?” He turned to look at the boy. Cole shifted, looking down and picking at his hand wraps.

“Lavellan asked me not to say anything. Keep it a secret from you, even after she was gone. She knew I would go to you. I wanted to keep my promise but....” He paused, glancing up, then back down at his hands. His voice took on a more feminine tone, “ _She's gone. I'm alone, Cole. But...maybe he is out there....I have to find him._ ” Cole met Solas's gaze. “She's looking for you.”

Solas was frozen. What Cole was implying was impossible! He had spies in the Inquisition.! They would have reported this! Granted, he had failed to get reports from them after about 10 years, thinking the Inquisition was not a issue any longer. There's no way....

“Who's words are those?” He asked, fearing the answer.

“You already know.”

He stood.

“Take me to her.”


	2. Shock

Nighttime had fallen on the the Hinterlands. Solas was following Cole through the trees. They had not spoken since he had asked the spirit-boy to take him to the one looking for him. Cole hadn't even acknowledged Solas's request, he just turned and walked out the door. That had been three days ago. Cole hadn't stop once, keeping a steady pace.

So it surprised him when Cole stopped suddenly at the edge of a clearing before disappearing before his eyes. A few seconds later, he heard a soft feminine voice.  
“Oh, there you are! I was wondering where you went.”

Solas's blood ran cold.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. Were you ok while I was gone?”

“Don't be silly, Cole. I can take care of myself. Besides, I knew you'd come back.”

He was frozen in place. Could that be...?

As quietly as he could, he stepped forward and peered past the trees in front of him.

In the clearing, there was what he recognized as a Inquisition tent and a campfire. In front of the fire, back to him, was a figure. At first, he could only see her silhouette, but as his eyes adjusted, he could start picking out details. 

The girl was slender, dressed in leather armor that, at first glance, looked simple. Upon closer inspection, Solas could see how well it was made and he could even sense the runes embedded in each piece of armor. The figure was still talking to Cole, who was sitting next to her. She turned her head toward him slightly, making her waist length hair shift. He couldn't see the color, but it was dark. She turned her head back towards the fire, and Solas could see pointed ears peaking through her locks.

“I searched the ruins Varric had mentioned but I didn't find anything other than the artifact mom had found.” She poked the fire with a long stick, shifting the burning wood around a bit. “It was still active and everything. Even the veil fire was still going.” She sighed. “It was almost like finding a memory.”

“I'm sorry.” Cole reached out and rested a hand on her arm. “The hurt goes deep.”

“Yes, it does.” She agreed, resting a hand over his. “I just need time. Time to let the hurt fade or time to get strong enough that I can overcome it. Right now, finding _him_ will be the main thing.”

“Why do you want to see him so much?”

He felt like couldn't breathe.

“A fair number of reasons.” She answered. “I want to know why he left my mom. I want to know why he refused to be found or even come back. I want to know what kind of person would just up and leave like he did. Mom knew, and refused to tell me. She forbade you all from telling me as well. I just....” Her head tilted up, as if she were looking at the stars. “I just want to meet him. He is a whole half of myself that I don't know. I think meeting him will explain a few things about myself.”

“Your age.”

“Yes, like that.”

Solas stepped back behind the tree, all breath knocked out of him. In a panic, he Fade-Stepped away, further into the woods. Once he was a fair distance away, he braced himself on another tree.

How?!

What...!?

All this time... How did he not think anything had come of their short union?! The last time they had been together was about a month before he left her...

Did she know? She saw him two years later, yet she didn't say anything about her!

...Would it have made a difference?

Yes...no....maybe?

Solas shut his eyes and rested his head back against the tree.

“What am I to do now?”


	3. Epiphany

Solas watched them pack up and travel the next day. In the light, there was no denying that she was the Inquisitor's. She looked like her mother, and even held her grace when walking. There was also no denying she was his. She had his eyes and his hair color. She was inquisitive and sure of herself. Her mastery of the Fade when using magic also reminded him of his own. He found a smile grace his lips when he realized the staff she carried had once been his.

He wondered if she knew.

Solas knew it was pathetic of him not to reveal himself. Cole had made no move to, despite bringing him here, but Solas was grateful none the less. He remembered when he had protested against Cole becoming more human, but now he was glad of it. He doubted Cole would have kept quiet about him being there otherwise.

A few days of watching them, he realized why Cole was with her and why he had revealed her existence to him.

They were by a river, his daughter knee deep in the water, harvesting some blood lotus. She looked up at Cole who sat on the river bank tending to his daggers.

A smile crept up on her face.

_Her mother's smile._

She splashed the spirit-boy with a wave of water.

He sputtered and dropped his blades. 

She laughed and he smiled. Cole jumped into the water and she attempted to flee but he caught her around her waist. She turned in his hold and faced him, smile still filled with mirth.

It was then he realized it.

It was in both their eyes.

They were in love.

“Opps, my hand slipped?” she giggled. Cole gave a chuckle and released her and said something quietly that made her blush. They stayed in close proximity for a moment before she started back towards the shore.

It made sense. If Cole really loved her, he would want to do everything he could to help her, including breaking his promise to Lavellan to keep her a secret. He was also giving Solas a chance to reveal himself. 

One thing that had bothered Solas since he first laid eyes on her was how young she looked. By mortal standards, she looked like a teenager, but he knew how long it had been. She should be in her early thirties by now.

But here she was, young and full of so much spirit.

And there was the fact that Cole had mentioned her age before as a one of the things she had wanted to ask Solas about.

She was Elvhen.

Immortal.

Like him.

He watched them a bit longer before backing away into the trees.

He wanted to meet her. He wanted to hold her and apologize over and over for not meeting her sooner.

But he was still afraid.


	4. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, want some more sadness?  
> No?  
> Too bad! Here you go!
> 
> -goes and sits in a corner to bawl-

He found her in the Fade one night, dreaming. She obviously couldn't control her dreams like him or she would have sensed his presence. She seemed to be re-living a memory from when she was younger.

From when her mother was still alive.

He recognized the rotunda where he usually resided, murals still on the walls. Lavellan was there with a much younger version of the girl, recounting the tales the murals depicted. 

Even in his daughter's memory, he could see Lavellan wasting away. Her once beautiful hair lost it's shine and looked dull. Her skin was pale and gaunt, and her body was thin under much too big clothing. Her smile only held joy when she looked at her child. Her voice, strained and scratchy. As if she had been coughing. The little girl didn't seem to notice as her mother told her about the ball in Orlais.

Solas's heart broke.

His vhenan had needed him and he wasn't there. She suffered.

His da'len needed him, and he was too afraid to show himself. Would she suffer, too?

“That was the night you danced with him, right, mama? With my papa?” Her chipper little voice brought him back from his thoughts. 

Lavellan seemed taken off guard by the question. “Yes, I did. Who told you that?” 

“Uncle Varric did. He said you said that was when you knew you really loved him.” She said it with such innocence Solas found himself smiling along with her mother. 

“Uncle Varric needs to keep his big mouth shut.” Lavellan grumbled. His da'len cocked her head to the side a bit as she looked at her mother.

“Why mama? Why won't you talk about him? Is he bad?”

Solas stiffened, afraid of her answer.

“No, my darling. He wasn't bad. He was the most wonderful man I ever knew.” She ran her fingers through her daughter's hair. “You are so much like him. He was smart and kind. And-”

“Magic?” she interrupted. Her mother nodded. She gave her mother a odd look. “Mama, Aunt Sera said he looked like an egg. Do I look like a egg?”

Lavellan laughed. It was barely a ghost of what her laugh had been like when he had been by her side.

“No, you do not look like an egg.”

“Mama I want to meet him.” She jumped up excited. “If he's magic he could make you better! I'll find him!”

Lavellan gave her daughter a sad smile. “I hope you do, da'len. I would very much like to see him again.”

Solas left the dream then, tears streaming down his face. He found a part of the Fade as far away from her dream as he could get before he collapsed.

“Ir abelas!” he said over and over between sobs. "My love, my heart, I am sorry!"

Cole was right. He could have helped.

He thought he had when he had taken her arm to free her from the Anchor, but it's magic had remained. It had been devouring her soul bit by bit, causing her body to weaken and fail her.

And he could have stopped it.


	5. Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once I started writing I couldn't stop.
> 
> Here is the last part of this small little tale. I initially meant for this story to be sappy and sweet... a balm for the wound that egg left on my heart... but nothing with him ever goes the way I want it to. When I began this, I set myself a 5 chapter limit, and now I kinda wish I hadn't. Who knows? Maybe I'll write a bit from his daughter's perspective as she grows up. IDK.
> 
> Well, enjoy...as much as you can, anyway! :)

__

_

There is simply nothing worse

_

_

Than knowing how it ends

_

  
  
  


For days Solas followed them yet

For days he marveled at the woman she was becoming.

She was kind, thoughtful, and patient. She helped everyone she could that they came across in their travels.

She was also a bit arrogant, at times, when faced with someone who did not share her views, but Cole was always there to talk sense into her.

For days he tried to decide what he was going to do.

Would he meet her? Or would he leave her be and continue with his plans to re-make the world?

If he met her, he was sure he wouldn't be able to go through with it. Tearing down the veil, the chaos that would ensue... it might kill her.

For years he planned this. Years that could have been spent raising her, being by her mother's side. Every sacrifice would be wasted if he did not continue.

And yet...

They were in Crestwood. Cole, at her request, brought her to the grove where he ended things with Lavellan.

They had pitched their tent there but neglected to start a camp fire. His da'len didn't want to spoil the ground. He approved of her choice.

“He was here, Cole.” she spoke almost in awe. “Technically, I was too. They just didn't know about me yet.” She gave a low chuckle. “The only time we were ever together as a family. I can almost feel the residual emotions. Sadness...and regret...” She stood by the water, eyes closed. Cole slowly strode up next to her and took her hand, twining his fingers with hers.

“Love.” he added.

“Yes, and love.” she opened her eyes, head turning towards him. Solas left them alone, for the moment, feeling like he was intruding on a private moment.

He felt a pride he never knew he could feel. He was proud of her, and he didn't even know her name. Proud of the love she found, the choices she made, and just of her as a person.

And yet, he was still afraid of the choice her existence presented him.

 

Later, Cole appeared to him for the first time since bringing him to her.

“She needs you, too.” Cole said without any preamble.

Solas didn't even look at the boy.

“You're in love with her.”

“Yes.” No hesitation.

Solas smiled.

“What do you believe is best for her?”

“She hurts. I make it better, but you could help. She just wants to know you.” Cole cocked his head to the side, much like she had done when questioning her mother in her dream/memory. He wandered who learned that from who. “You think she'll blame you, but she doesn't. You didn't know. I told her.”

Solas froze. “Does she know I'm here?”

“No. She never asked me to find you.” Cole picked at his hand wraps a bit. “I wanted to give you the chance. To help heal your own hurt yourself. That's what they both would want.”

_'They both'_

He didn't even need to clarify who he meant by that. Solas already knew. And Cole was right.

“What's her name?”

Cole turned away, then. “Ask her yourself.” and then disappeared.

He sighed and looked back towards the grove.

No matter what he chose, someone was going to suffer; be it his people or his child. But he had to choose.

Save his people and correct this world and cause her demise...

Or meet and be with his daughter, a precious gift from his one true love and leave the People to their fate.

A single tear slipped down his face as he stood alone in the moonlight.  
  
He made his choice.

He wasn't afraid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An open ended end cause I'm evil.
> 
> You decide what he does.


End file.
